It’s all Double-Dutch to me

Amanda will occasionally tease me by “cursing” me in Chinese. This I accept.
But this evening, in the kitchen, she muttered something that I didn’t understand and when I asked her what she had said her reply was “Oh, it’s ok… Not even Mandarin speakers would have understood that. It was in my local dialect.”
What ?!
My few words of Mandarin, (my name, “Nihao”, and about five items of food), don’t stand a chance of helping me to understand her when she’s blabbering in Mandarin, but now I’m expected not to understand her in some strange dialect too !
That woman expects too much of me. 😦

Times are hard

Right, that’s it. Either that hamster starts paying rent or she goes !

Hits – What do people expect from me ?

Prompted by Kelly’s list of search engine hits on her blog I thought I’d have a look at my own and see what inspires people to visit the old Honorarynewfie.
The all-time record goes to “who said honesty is the best policy”, but here’s a selection of the finest of the others and, me being me of course, I can’t let them pass without a little tongue-in-cheek comment.

some dislikes – and you ended up on my blog…. thanks, all 3 of you !
some dislikes. – You can’t fool me… that’s you again, isn’t it ? I recognise the style
some of sacagawea’s dislikes – Dunno… go ask sacagawea
communist velociraptor – politics must be older than I thought…
velociraptor on bicycle – … and bicycles
sleep weasels – or there’ll be no toast for breakfast (anagram of stoat, get it?)
not environmentally frinedly – nor particularly good at spelling, but I like you
name two things you would have to interpret – easy, Spanish and French. Next !
disadvantages of traffic jam– don’t you know already ?!
what does bicycle mean in china – Um… don’t tell me, it’s on the tip of my tongue… I know it… I know it…
how many cyclists in china – This is Honorarynewfie, not Wikipedia
old englishman – Guilty as charged, M’lud
us travel assenvironment – strangely enough “assenvironment” was going to be the subject of my next post
abba dont remember – it’s their age, bless
“delicate bits” – you came here for that ?! No, I can recommend a much better site….
who said honesty is the best police – I don’t know, but it was a cop out
grems-2010@hotmail.com – How on earth did that point at this blog ???
zombie bicycle – Imagery… a modern remake of Thriller with everybody on BMX’s, and you know that bit where they all jump up at once ?… go for it !
farmeromer – farm aroma… love it ! Haha !
on farmerama how do you go to night time? – you just look up from your computer and find it’s there already !
congratulation on japan earthquake – Thank you, but in fairness I can’t take all the credit
old english man – is that the guy with the sheepdog ?
could you survive an intense love making session with a dog – No ex-wife jokes allowed
farmerama bald eagle – :O Hell’s teeth, what level do you have to reach to get that ???
i’m sorry i haven’t a clue sean connery – That’sh perfectly all right, shome would shay
φαρμεραμα blog – It’s all Greek to me
astronomy – I hope my humble little blog was able to answer all your questions, but if there’s anything you’d like me just to go over again for you…
eaten by a bear – and still Googling ? There’s nothing some people can’t do !
the world greatest eagles vs sheep – Big ones; very big I would think
abomination – I love your blog too

and there’s a plethora of hamster-related material…

golf hamsters – I swear I’ve never made that connection
hamster tyre – would be as a spare for on the “golf” ?
the biggest hamster sheep in the world – hamster sheep ?! I’m not having that running around in a ball all night in my living room !
would a hamster run at night or day – Yes
amanda the hamster – No, Amanda the wife. Pay attention, there will be a test later.
how fast are hamsters? – I’m sorry, because of falling educational standards these days it has to be multiple choice… at least a) very, b) not very
ow many miles do hamsters run in a day? – shouldn’t that be “amsters” ?
how far do wild hamsters go every night – all the way, mate, all the way !
how many times does a hamster run on its wheel over a 10 hour period? – Why, specifically, 10 hours ? I’ll tell you 24 hours, you do the maths. (Lazy sod !)
how far does my hamster run – how should I know, it’s your hamster
what do hamsters do at night – Ooo… hamster-type things, you know…
how do hamsters know day and night – One is dark….
how long should hamsters run – Until their little legs ache, then they should unwind with a hot shower, a rub down and some sunflower seeds
how far does an average hamster run – an average distance… Doh !
tapewarm in hamster – So that’s how to get that tape warm. Thanks. Here Hammy !…
how long can hamsters travel – until their passports run out
do hamsters far? – Now that could be one of two questions….

Starting the day with a laugh

There is a small group of blogs that I subscribe to and I woke up this morning to two new posts that had an effect on me.
One I will be contacting the author directly for further useful information.
The other is worth pointing my readers at because I’m still laughing now. If ever a post by one of my friends warranted hitting the Freshly Pressed board it’s this one.
Thanks for the laugh, Cheri. 🙂

Anonymous Valentine

Just to show that I’m not an old stick-in-the-mud and to prove that I can move with the times, I sent an anonymous Valentine Card… by email !

My own personal version of Desert Island Discs, Track 3, “You can call me Al”

I was intending to head off in some sort of chronological order at this point in the series, but I just haven’t been able to resist the urge to dump my favourite track from Paul Simon’s brilliant Graceland album on you.

Far and away one of the greatest albums of all time it has given me untold hours of pleasure listening to Paul’s clever use of African musical themes.

In a way I can almost see a full circle emerging here, because it was this album which awoke in so many people an interest in the music which, in turn, led to an interest in Africa and its people. That spurred extended distaste of the Apartheid movement which eventually led to its downfall and, from that, South Africa is now staging the football World Cup and, once again, the airwaves are filled with African music.

Go Paul !

So, which form of Extremism is right for you ?

Trawling around on some blogs and watching YouTube videos that people have highlighted I often then play through some associated videos that catch my eye.

Given that I have quite extreme views on some subjects (most of which I do not post on here) I was tickled by this one I found.

Which is your favourite form of extremism ?

Justice for all – Food for thought

Let’s put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks.

They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring so they could be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite especially built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool, and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.’s and legal aid would be free on request.

Private, secure rooms for all with an outdoor exercise yard and gardens.

Each pensioner could have a P.C., a T.V., a radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

Criminals in Nursing Homes

The “criminals” would get cold food and be left all alone and unsupervised.

“Lights out” would be at 8pm, and showers would only be available once a week.

They would live in a tiny room for which they would have to pay £3,000.00 a month, and they would have no hope of ever getting out.

Justice for all !

This blog is getting a hamster infestation

I’m getting a lot of hits on here from people asking questions on search engines such as “how far do hamsters run”, so I thought I’d whap that into google myself and see what happened….

There’s a reference to this blog at position seven out of 641,000.

“Ask” … position five of 91,900 (excluding sponsored links), “Altavista”… eight of 4,510,000.

Fame at last…. Thank you people !!!! 🙂

Close by was a link to this, which had me in stitches…
(although you might want to turn the volume DOWN before you hit “play”)

That’s an Ausfahrt, mein Führer. (How do you pronounce “Ausfahrt” ?)

For some reason we Brits are renowned for our apparent love of “toilet humour”. I have no idea where this fallacy stems from, and I very much doubt if there is any basis for it in truth.

That said….

I was tidying up my Blogroll this afternoon (Oh, no pun intended 😳 ) and came across a reference to this piece on YouTube. (18 Certificate !)

So that’s how you pronounce Ausfarht !
(Clip Length 3:48)

Ok, so I have to be honest, I laughed my head off !

And the best part is, there’s a whole series of “Hitler Rants” covering all sorts of subjects. I love the one about Brett Favre. 😀