That’s an Ausfahrt, mein Führer. (How do you pronounce “Ausfahrt” ?)

For some reason we Brits are renowned for our apparent love of “toilet humour”. I have no idea where this fallacy stems from, and I very much doubt if there is any basis for it in truth.

That said….

I was tidying up my Blogroll this afternoon (Oh, no pun intended 😳 ) and came across a reference to this piece on YouTube. (18 Certificate !)

So that’s how you pronounce Ausfarht !
(Clip Length 3:48)


Ok, so I have to be honest, I laughed my head off !

And the best part is, there’s a whole series of “Hitler Rants” covering all sorts of subjects. I love the one about Brett Favre. 😀

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Extreme Shepherding – What Welsh shepherds get up to in their spare time

A friend send me this link in an email today. Oh, did I laugh !
Ok, so there is a little bit of it that appears to have been “touched up” with some computerised enhancements, but that doesn’t take away from the magic of it.

To enjoy 2 minutes 45 seconds of (sponsored) “Welsh Hillside Art”….

It must have taken them ages !

Have you ever been eaten by fish ?

Hmmm, surprisingly it seems I might actually be able to post while I’m in China… I certainly couldn’t last year !
Have so many stories to tell and pictures to show from this trip that it will take me ages to catch up when I get home.
Anyway, we went to the Gentle Uptown Hot Spring Spa on the outskirts of Nanning yesterday where, apart from doing things like having my first ever proper sauna, we sat / lay in a pool with lots of little fish that nibble at your skin. What an incredible sensation ! Well worth the extra 20 RMB per person.
They always head straight for your feet when you first get in, but then they do work their way all over you. Apart from the tickling that your feet get, their little teeth are sometimes quite sharp and you feel like you want to swat them like flies.
Will definitely have to go back on every trip. I want more of this 🙂

Tom having his feet nibbled by fish

A fishy feast

Amanda gets the fishy treatment

They liked Amanda too

So much to learn…

Last night was “Queen Night” on the “X” Factor and it got me thinking again about how much in life that seems just perfectly natural to me means absolutely nothing to Amanda because she “wasn’t there”.

So here is a list of some things, people, events etc that are just a normal part of life to me but will need explaining to Amanda…..

Queen
Freddy Mercury (God rest you Freddie)
ABBA
The Beatles
the lunar landings
Falklands War
World War II (the European part)
the Normandy beaches
The Battle of Britain
Remembrance Sunday
New Year (Western as opposed to Chinese)
Top Gear
Top Gun
Top of the Pops
“Ghost” (I’m looking forward to explaining some of that…)
Heaven Can Wait (…. have I got a morbid streak ?)
Blondie
J J Cale
Love Actually
Last of the Summer Wine
Porridge
The Two Ronnies
Monty Python (God help me !……)
the Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy (… and again !)
Slartibartfast (well, one has to start somewhere 😉 )
wedding receptions
summer holidays
I’m ****ing Matt Damon
Trevor Senior, Jimmy Quinn, Martin Hicks, et al…
Elm Park
Reading 2 – Brighton 0
Ally McBeal
(spot the link between the last two ! )
Maggie Thatcher
(where am I going with this ? …..)
Radio Luxembourg
The Ashes
the Barmy Army
Lord’s (Mecca)
bunking off work to go to Chesterfield to see Middlesex play, only to find you get caught in a close-up on tv with a tinny in your hand ….. !
I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue
Humph
Samantha
Mornington Crescent (there’s an easy one, won’t take long…)
The Commonwealth
“Dr. Livingstone, I presume ?”
India
The whole of the Roman Empire, and everything it has meant to everyone in the Western world ever since…….
Henry VIII
Blackadder
Manuel from Fawlty Towers
the Eurovision Song Contest (I don’t even understand that myself !)
Wogan
Galway Bay
the old Wembley Stadium
American Football
Snow (although actually, Amanda spent 8 months studying in Minnesota, so she already knows what snow is !)
French Knickers
Amaretto
Elvis
Morecambe & Wise
Benny Hill
Croatia
Florida
The summer of Love
If you’re Going To San Francisco
99 Red Balloons
Richard Branson
VW Beetle (my Dad and I both had one at the same time)
The Masters
the 7th at Pebble Beach
Minestrone Soup
Double Cream
Wizzard
Rag, Tag and Bobtail (I used to get so scared that one of them would get lost :-S)
Postman Pat
the Old Man of Hoy
the National Trust
Badminton Horse Trials
Hickstead
Billy Connolly
Parkinson
James Bond
Sean Connery
the Isle of Skye
Norse Mythology
The Blue Danube
snooker
Torville & Dean
Bolero
package holidays
Woolworth’s
Motown
IBM AS/400

 

How many is that ?

I hope she’s a good listener…. this may take some time… 😉

Does anybody have any more suggestions ?

I must get my hearing tested

Ok, so I wasn’t really concentrating just now having put the Open Golf on the TV, but while referring to Paul Broadhurst I’m sure the commentator said, …

“That’s a very heavy, worring moustache.”

Paul Broadhurst doesn’t appear to have a moustache !

Hmmmm….

Who said “Honesty is the best policy” ?

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, ‘ I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’

The driver says, ‘Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know this car doesn’t have cruise control!

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls , ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once??!!’

The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.’

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘DAMN it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?!!!!!!’

The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’

The driver says, ‘Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’

The wife says, ‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, ‘WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!!!!!’

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?’

‘Only when he’s been drinking’.

The Late Humphrey Lyttleton

It is with great sadness that I heard the news of the passing of Humphrey Lyttleton.

Although Jazz has never really been my kind of music, ( all the right notes, but played in the wrong order ), I came to love him as the compere of BBC Radio 4’s “I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue”.

The game of Mornington Crescent which I initiated in my last post as a “Get Well Soon” message now becomes a tribute to this immensely funny character.

Any passing bloggers are welcome to join in, even if you don’t understand the rules, and I may initiate a “Tribute Tournament” if enough interest is shown.

R.I.P. Humph, and thank you for all the tears of laughter.

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