Things that make me laugh (1)

I just saw the following post entitled “My Personal Data Sheet” on a guy’s blog on another site… off the wall, or what ?

NAME: Mr. Steel_Grey_Eyes, Jr.

BUST: Sculpture
WAIST: Abdomen
HIPS: Rose
(I’m sorry. I thought that last part was a Word Association Test.)HEIGHT: 5’10” WEIGHT: 170 lbs

BIRTHDATE: I think that it was on a Wednesday. I couldn’t quite see the calendar because the doctor kept SLAPPING ME ON THE BUTT!

BIRTHPLACE: My mother’s womb. (Where else?)

AMBITIONS: To one day have an eager or strong desire to achieve something.

TURN ONS: Electricity, touching electricity and people with lisps.

TURN OFFS: Switches and buttons that say “OFF”. (Why can’t we all just have positive attitudes?)

HOBBIES: Collecting bubbles, pointing at things and teaching dogs to ballroom dance.

WHEN I AM HAPPY: I wet my pants.

WHEN I AM SAD: It’s usually because I was happy just moments before.

GROWING UP I WAS SO POOR: That my family couldn’t afford to buy me an ant farm. Instead, I had “ant sharecroppers” that I had to take around the neighborhood looking for work. But even through all of that, my ant sharecroppers and I never gave up the dream of one day purchasing 6 ½ ounces of soil that we could call our own. Yes…it was truly the American dream.

FOR FUN: I like to wear my underwear on the outside of my pants and go downtown in order to have screaming arguments with the pigeons over political matters. (Pigeons are nothing more than the Devil’s FedEx deliverymen…dropping packages that no one wants on unsuspecting people.)

MY EARLIEST MEMORY: Looking at my alarm clock this morning.

MY SECOND EARLIEST MEMORY: Hitting the snooze button.

I AM MOST PROUD OF: My DNA strand. It is A-C-G-T. Not the C-G-T-A strand that all of those “stupid” people have. Famous people who share the A-C-G-T strand are: Albert Einstein, Mickey Mouse (the original one) and the guy who invented mosquito bites.

I USUALLY SPEND MY SPARE TIME: Thinking up cute little names for my wee-wee. So far my favorites are: Mr. Binky, Little Elvis and Kevin.

I AM ADDICTED TO: Blinking my eyes. I just can’t stop. I must have blinked at least ten times while typing this sentence. I can’t help myself. What’s wrong with me?! I NEED HELP!!!

A GREAT EVENING TO ME IS: A romantic, candlelit dinner followed by the ballet and topped off by a champagne toast in a nice jazz club. O.K. You got me. I’m joking. A really great evening to me is running around an empty field throwing pasta at each other while wearing scuba diving fins and hockey masks…then topped off by a champagne toast in a nice jazz club.

MY PETS: I have a really cute little dog named Mr. Cuddles. Dark brown fur. Long thin tail. Small little ears. Elongated nose. Hey, wait a minute. Now that I think about it…Mr. Cuddles, you’re a rat!!!

MOST IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON LEARNED: Never buy a dog when you’re drunk.

SECOND MOST IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON LEARNED: Rats make poor ballroom dancers.

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