I must get my hearing tested

Ok, so I wasn’t really concentrating just now having put the Open Golf on the TV, but while referring to Paul Broadhurst I’m sure the commentator said, …

“That’s a very heavy, worring moustache.”

Paul Broadhurst doesn’t appear to have a moustache !

Hmmmm….

I Like You

I like you
And I know why,
I like you because
You are a good person to like.
I like you because
When I tell you something special
You know it’s special
And you remember it
A long, long time,
You say,
“Remember when you told me
something special?”
And both of us remember.
When I think something is important,
You think it’s important too.
We have good ideas.
When I say something funny, you laugh.
I think I’m funny.
You think I’m funny too.
I like you because
You know where I’m ticklish
And you don’t tickle me there
Except just a tiny bit…
Sometimes.
Stop!
But if you do, then I know where
to tickle you too.
You know how to be silly.
That’s why I like you.
Boy! Are you ever silly!
I never met anyone sillier than me
Till I met you.
I like you because
You know when it’s time to stop
being silly.
Maybe day after tomorrow.
Maybe never.
Oops! Too late!
It’s quarter past silly.
We fool around the same way all the time.
Sometimes we don’t say a word.
We snurkle under fences,
We spy secret places.
If I’m a goofus on the roofus,
You are one too.
If I pretend I’m drowning,
You pretend you’re saving me.
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
Then you are ready to jump.
That’s because you really like me.
You really like me, don’t you?
And I like you back.
And that’s the way we keep going
Everyday……..
If I go away, then you go away.
Or if I stay home,
You send me a postcard.
You just don’t say
Well, see you around sometimes.
Bye.
I like you a lots because of that.
If we go away together
And if I get lost in Grand Central Station,
Then you are the one that’s yelling
for me:
Hey, where are you?
Here I am.
I like you because
When I am feeling sad
You don’t cheer me up right away.
Sometimes it’s better to be sad.
You can’t stand others being
so googly and goggly
Every single moment.
You want to know about things.
It takes time.
I like you because
If I am mad at you
Then you get mad at me too.
It’s awful when the other person isn’t.
Phooey!
They are just so nice and so hoo-hoo you
could just punch them in the nose.
I like you because
When I think I am going to throw up
You don’t pretend you are busy
Looking at the birds and all that.
You say: “Maybe it was something
you ate”.
You say: “that happened to me one time”.
And the same thing did.
If you find two four leaf clovers,
You give me one.
If I find four, I give you two.
If we find only three, we keep looking.
Sometimes we have good luck
And sometimes we don’t.
If break my arm and if you break your
arm too,
Then it is lots of fun to have a
broken arm.
You tell me about mine
And I tell you about yours.
We both are sorry.
We write names and draw pictures.
We show everybody and they wish they
Had broken arms too.
I like you because-I don’t know why-
but-
Everything that happens is nicer with you.
I can’t remember when I didn’t like you.
It must have been lonesome then.
I like you because-because-because-
It’s the fourth of July
On the fifth of July.
And if you and I had some drums
And some horns and horses and some
fire engines,
We could be a holiday
We could be a celebration
We could be a whole parade.
See what I mean?
Even if it was the nine hundredth and
ninety-ninth of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom
of November
Even if it was no place in particular
in January
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again.
That’s how it would happen every time.
I don’t know why.
I guess I don’t know why I really
Like you.
Why do I like you???
I guess I like you – - -
I guess I like you – - -
Because I LIKE YOU

(by Sandol Stoddard Warburg)

Who said “Honesty is the best policy” ?

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, ‘ I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’

The driver says, ‘Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know this car doesn’t have cruise control!

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls , ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once??!!’

The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.’

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘DAMN it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?!!!!!!’

The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’

The driver says, ‘Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’

The wife says, ‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, ‘WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!!!!!’

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?’

‘Only when he’s been drinking’.

Barking mad

A blonde woman and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says ‘I’ve had enough of this,’ and she goes downstairs.

She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says ‘The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?’

The blonde says ‘I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how THEY like it!’

The Late Humphrey Lyttleton

It is with great sadness that I heard the news of the passing of Humphrey Lyttleton.

Although Jazz has never really been my kind of music, ( all the right notes, but played in the wrong order ), I came to love him as the compere of BBC Radio 4’s “I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue”.

The game of Mornington Crescent which I initiated in my last post as a “Get Well Soon” message now becomes a tribute to this immensely funny character.

Any passing bloggers are welcome to join in, even if you don’t understand the rules, and I may initiate a “Tribute Tournament” if enough interest is shown.

R.I.P. Humph, and thank you for all the tears of laughter.

Mornington Crescent – “Humph” Tribute Game

In a momentary break from the trials and tribulations of the past few days I happened to notice, on my daughters slimming site message board that she had left open on the computer, that Humphrey Lyttleton has been taken ill.

The marvellous host of my favourite radio show “I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue” is in hospital at the moment, poorly sick.  Get well soon you old critter.

My version of a “get well card” is to initiate a game of “Mornington Crescent” on my blog (not original, but quick to do).

We are playing to the rules as set down in Holztenstein’s “Crescent Revisited”, (abridged 1981 edition), and I shall go first.

Limehouse

Over to you, people, and please sign off each of your moves with “Get well soon Humph”

Note: Since the announcement of Humph’s passing on 25th April this has now become a Tribute Game, so please sign off each move with “R.I.P. Humph“.

Where did I put that “Me Time” ?

Oh you just can’t start a work placement, travel from one end of the country to the other at short notice, see your daughter for the first time in 12 months, your grandchildren for the first time in 2 years, and visit your best mate in hospital before he has his triple heart bypass op without some smartass coming along and asking if your Chinese fiancee (who you still have to try to find time to cam with because she’s missing you like crazy and the time difference messes up every day, but by hell it’s worth it ) is taking up all your time and might just be the reason you haven’t posted anything for a while !

Pant… pant…

I don’t remember “Don” being in Abba

I happened upon a blog this weekend written by a guy who really “shoots from the hip” with regard to his feelings about things.

The more broad-minded of you who like a good laugh will enjoy Abbadon , who has also added comments to some of my posts.  But if you are under 18 or of a nervous disposition… well don’t say I didn’t warn you :S

Every continent covered !

Hey… yippee, I just noticed… I got a hit from Brazil in the last 24 hours !!

Yeehaa… that means that every single continent in the world has now visited my blog !!

Thank you people !… No, seriously… I mean it… that has absolutely made my day !!

This might be a c**p blog, but hell !…. it’s spreading…

You people are wonderful !

Blogging for amateurs

Isn’t it marvellous ?!

You scribble away about things that seem important to you, and what sort of response do you get ?…. nothing.

Put up one post about GTA4 ( that’s Grand Theft Auto IV) and, all of a sudden, hitsville !!!

What IS the world made of ?… Ha Ha….

Enjoy.